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Building An Unbreakable Team In Marriage

April 1, 2012

A team of oxen is amazingly strong. When pulling a load together, they can pull three times the amount than each would be able to separately!

Lately I’ve been comparing this to marriage. In marriage we are two individuals, obviously. Two individuals can get places. Two individuals working together as a team, however, can hardly be stopped!

How important is this “being on the same team?” After all, doesn’t being married automatically make you on the same team?

Not especially.

So what makes a good team in a marriage?

Here are three things we have learned on how to build an unbreakable team:

1. Have a common interest.Β Aside from kids, the house, jobs, or church, find something that you both enjoy doing together. Whether it be skydiving, growing roses, or cooking, give your marriage the gift of connecting on something that binds you together. It will take you to new heights.

2. Learn the art of listening, and asking good questions. Seek first to understand, then be understood. Try it. It is harder than you think. Listen, ask questions, and listen some more. Don’t judge, don’t take offense, just listen. You will hear amazing things!

Want your spouse to love you more? Stop talking, stop nagging, and listen to them.

“There is no such thing as a worthless conversation, provided you know what to listen for. And questions are the breath of life for a conversation.” Β  -James Nathan Miller

3. If you are on the same team, than BE on the same team!Β When you are on the same team there are certain things that happen:

– You always have your teammates’ back. Always. Even when they are not with you, speak highly of them. Don’t put them down. Ever.

– You are united on all fronts. This filters down into all areas of life whether it be kids or money. Do what it takes to get united. Face the challenges head on. Get help if need be. Deal with the conflict immediately. One person can’t throw in the towel and expect the team to stay together. Both members have to be ALL IN.

– Have a vision for the possibilities of what you can accomplish together. Dream together. Dream big, bold, gutsy dreams together. Talk about those dreams often. Talk about them and work towards them. Have goals of how to get there. Give your marriage the gift of seeing beyond the here and now.

Question: What are some ways you’re building an unbreakable team?

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16 Comments

  • Reply Rob Coburn April 1, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    Claudia, another great post and I love the list of Do’s for your marriage. If we can master these few things we begin to change the world. Blessings, @missioncoach

    • Reply Claudia Good April 2, 2012 at 8:48 pm

      Rob,
      Thanks, you are right… we do begin to change the world!

  • Reply Ann J Musico April 2, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Wow Claudia excellent post and points. Considering my husband and I will celebrate our 29th anniversary in July, I must agree wholeheartedly. On a day to day basis – some days are easier than others, but when you are “all in” as you put it – together you can handle whatever comes your way and come out the other side a stronger team.

    • Reply Claudia Good April 2, 2012 at 8:50 pm

      Ann,
      29 years… Congratulations!!! How exciting to have lived and loved and worked through life together for 29 years πŸ™‚ May you be blessed as you move into the exciting years ahead!

  • Reply Joe Lalonde April 2, 2012 at 11:02 am

    I’m spending time with my wife and getting to know her once again. For awhile there, it was a struggle with our work schedules and the time we spent apart from each other. We’ve now reduced our schedules to a more manageable time and it’s showing in our marriage.

    • Reply Claudia Good April 2, 2012 at 8:53 pm

      Joe,
      Awesome! Glad to hear you have been able to alter your schedules to make your marriage come fully alive!
      We had some years like that as well. When I managed the horse farm we didn’t have any days off together and we realized that it was very taxing on our relationship.

      Isn’t wonderful to realize there is more to your spouse than you will ever know?… there is always wonderful mystery when getting to know another person πŸ™‚

  • Reply Annettegarber April 2, 2012 at 11:14 am

    This is great advice, Claudia, and I feel that Jarred and I are just really learning these things ourselves. We are very different people and have very different interests, but we are finding more common interests… and trying to show appreciation of one another’s hobbies (though I still haven’t come around on taking much interest in his love of sports). πŸ™‚ Just yesterday we took a hike as part of our day together in celebrating our anniversary. We realized how much we BOTH love to hike and began to talk about planning a backpacking trip together or with friends. We could see ourselves pursuing this hobby well into our later years, as we were inspired by the 3 gentleman we met on our path who were in their 60’s and were cruising through a 4 day backpacking adventure on the Appalacian Trail. We then came home and worked in our yard together (which is a growing passion of Jarred’s), and it felt so good to do these things side by side! I think we are also learning to be better listeners and not to take offense so easily. This allows for a lot more understanding, appreciation, AND laughter! πŸ˜€

    • Reply Claudia Good April 2, 2012 at 8:56 pm

      Annette,
      I love hearing stories like yours!
      Marriages that are growing and prospering because both parties are driven towards making it grow and become vibrantly healthy!
      So glad you had a wonderfully enlightening and enjoyable time together celebrating your anniversary together.
      blessings to you both my friend πŸ™‚

  • Reply Marianne Clements April 4, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Claudia,

    Awesome post! I’ve noticed that when people are dating, they are focused on FUN! However, once married, they get bogged down in duties and dull routines. We have to make time for fun and certainly as you pointed out doing things together — common interests is critical. We go water skiing in the summer. We watch movies. We watch football together even though I wouldn’t watch football if he didn’t watch it. We work in the yard together. Outside of our work, most everything we do is done together.

    Being a good listener is a great trait in any relationship.

    It’s easy to want to share your frustrations about your partner with your friends and family, but I have learned that this is very damaging to a marriage. You might think that if you don’t say mean things to your spouse then how can it hurt them? Speaking poorly about a person behind their back is fueling those negative feelings and you will treat them differently after talking about all of their faults and failures. Also, our friends and family are not very objective, so they are unlikely to give us Godly advice. It’s best to follow the old saying: “If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.” It’s best to brag about our spouse to others while our spouse is present.

    Have a Victorious Day!
    Marianne Clements
    Victory Christian Coaching

    • Reply Claudia Good April 5, 2012 at 11:13 am

      Marianne,
      I have noticed this too! It takes the life out of a relationship if there is no fun!
      That is such a gift to your marriage that you do so many things together and enjoy one another’s company while doing it!

      “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all!” I think this phrase needs to be reintroduced! Thank you for bringing it back to light πŸ™‚

      Blessings to you and your husband as you pursue not just a marriage but a vibrant marriage!

  • Reply robclinton April 7, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Claudia, the post is excellent! Great nuggets for any marriage. It’s about being on the same team, having each other’s back, growing together, always learning about each other, and dreaming big together. This team can make great things happen, and you and Michael are obviously a great team and it shows; it really shows. Keep living the example, you’re creating lasting impacts not just in your own marriage but in many other’s marriages just by living it the way you both do….

    • Reply Claudia Good April 10, 2012 at 1:36 pm

      Rob,
      Hey thanks for this… very encouraging!!
      I love all the things you said… but especially dreaming big together! That part is so incredibly fun πŸ™‚

  • Reply Kent Julian April 17, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Which ox is who? (I just couldn’t resist πŸ™‚

    • Reply Michael Good April 17, 2012 at 10:24 pm

      Kent,
      Claudia is the prettier one. πŸ˜‰

      • Reply Kent Julian April 17, 2012 at 10:31 pm

        Yeah, she’s prettier than you…but I’m not sure there is a prettier ox in that picture πŸ™‚

        • Reply Michael Good April 18, 2012 at 7:14 am

          Haha, was going to leave that up to you to decide which ox was prettier. πŸ™‚

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