Personal Growth

3 steps to becoming the person you want to be

November 11, 2013

It’s so easy to put off actually being the person we want to be. We think that we’ll be able to be that person down the road, after we have more experience or credibility.

For a while, I used the excuse of my age and put off being the person I wanted to be. I wanted to be a better leader in my family and in our business. I wanted to make meaningful contributions to those around me. I wanted to be more confident.

But I told myself, “I’m still young. I need to work up to being that kind of person.”

However, as I got into my early 30’s like I am now, I realized there were a whole lot of people who were my age who already were that type of person.

I decided to be done with my excuses and get on with it.

Like I wrote in a recent post about my mom dying, this isn’t a test run, this is my life. I decided to be the person who I want to be, today. Not wait till someday later when it felt more like I am that person.

As I thought back through my process of how I became more of the person I wanted to be, I identified 3 specific steps.

Here they are:

Step 1: Define it

Ask yourself the following four questions. With pen and paper, jot down 5-10 responses for each.

1. What does the person I want to be do?

Think about how they walk, talk, and act. Think about how they start and end their day.

2. How does the person I want to be think?

Think about how they view those around them. Think about how they view themselves and what they’re doing.

3. How does the person I want to be interact with others? 

Think about how they greet others, shake hands, and interact with their friends. Think about how they handle conflict.

4. What does the person I want to be look like? 

Think about how they dress, how they care for their possessions, and how they take care of themselves.

This list of responses is your definition of the person you want to be. This is your roadmap.

 Step 2: See it

Review your definition at the beginning of every single day. Picture yourself as the type of person you want to be.

Think through the different scenarios that will be coming up that day. See the scenarios clearly, in detail.

– How are you going to physically stand?

– How are you going to interact with others in your afternoon meeting?

– What are you going to do when (fill in the blank) happens?

– How will you respond when your friend or colleague says (fill in the blank)?

– How will you engage with your family today?

 Step 3: Live it

Put action behind it. Decide to live it out at the beginning of every single day.

It’s going to feel a little awkward at first, like you’re putting on a jacket that is too big. It’s going to feel like everyone is going to see right through you and call your bluff.

They won’t. Chances are they will really like the new you and give you more respect. Try it.

As time goes on, it’ll feel more and more natural to be the new you. It will become easier to fully be the person you want to be.

So there you have it. Three steps to becoming the person you want to be.

If you’re not happy with who you are today, commit to these three steps for at least three weeks. You’ll be amazed with the change.


Enjoy this post?

You can sign up for more posts like this by email and, when you do, you’ll get Free Instant Access to our innovative life direction system for couples!

cover 3D

Photo Credit: CarbonNYC via Compfight cc

You Might Also Like


  • Reply Ann Musico November 11, 2013 at 11:07 am

    I love this Michael – talk about being intentional!!

  • Reply char November 12, 2013 at 9:36 am

    Love this post! So good!!

    • Reply Michael Good November 13, 2013 at 9:07 am

      Hey thanks, Char. Glad you liked it!

    Leave a Reply