Paddling Through The Middle

That’s what we are doing, paddling through the middle. This is the point in the middle of the lake when you can’t see either shore and you really can’t tell if you are going forward or backward. The water around you is swirling in such a way that you can’t make out your progress. You are paddling HARD, sweating, grunting, and groaning. All conversation has stopped. The lighthearted chatter that was present at the beginning of the trip has ceased and you are in the moment, not sure whether to enjoy yourself or begrudge what you have started. But there is no turning back because you are in it. In the middle.

I felt that middle in a way I had never felt it before when I labored to give birth to our 10 pound boulder of a baby boy. I was in the middle, and it was tough. The beginning shore was gone, the ending shore not in sight, and I was laboring in the middle.

So what do we do while in the middle to keep ourselves going? Actually, you don’t really have a choice as to whether to go on or not because life just does that for you with every tick of the clock. But rather, how do we not loose hope in the middle?

I remember looking up at Michael while in the throes of labor and saying, “Nothing lasts forever, right babe?” And he said, “Right, nothing lasts forever,” as he stroked my forehead with a cool cloth. And sure enough, it didn’t. It ended, as every middle does.

Honestly, I don’t like the middle. I don’t think any of us do. It is the place where the screams of frusteration come out, the gasps for air and the pounding of fists. It is the place where the mind seems to tell the body that what you are doing is impossible and you may as well give up. It is the place of discouragement, fear, and tears.

But there is also something memorable about the middle. Why do we go through something so very hard not knowing if we will make it out alive, only to come to the end and want to do it again? That middle, that place of tearing down, pushing and pulling with all you’ve got, it is raw, tumultious and unpredictable. But if you make it through, there is no better feeling. That’s why it is memorable. That is why we look back at our middles in life and often equate them with phrases like, “The best thing that ever happened to me,” “It changed my life.” We went through the middle and conquered it. We fought and won.

There is something deep down in each of us that longs to go through a middle just to see if we are strong enough, to see if we have what it takes. We dream of being put in the same category as the great conquers in our history. These people have depth and wisdom and haven’t always stayed on the safe shore.  

I personally long for the middles of life because I see the eyes of others who have gone through many middles and come out victorious. Their eyes shine like none I have ever seen. They look alive. They are alive.

We are in our middle and though we are grunting and groaning and at times banging our heads against the preverbal wall, life has truly never been better. Because just as with any other middle, this one too will end. We will reach the shore and will look back with gleaming eyes realizing all our paddling truly paid off. We left the safety of the shore, pushing our boat into the deep waters and have have become greater, stronger, wiser, and bolder. We are going through our middle and TRULY life has never been better.