If we want to live a life that’s filled with purpose, meaning, and passion, we need to be intentional about the questions we’re asking ourselves. It takes thinking ahead, a little bit of planning, and a lot of execution to get to where you want to be.
photo by Fabiana Zonca
This really was evident for me when I finally decided to no longer pursue the purchase of a business. I had been working towards this for four years and it was a long, frustrating process. My wife, Claudia, and I had put our lives on hold waiting for the seller to finally go through with it.
Finally, we started to think about what we really wanted in life and we began to reconsider. We realized there was a ton of risk involved and that it really wasn’t what we wanted anyways. We felt like we had wasted four years of our lives waiting for someone else to make a decision.
That prompted us to look for a quick exit strategy so we could get on with our lives. Six months later, I left that business and went out on my own starting my own business.
Looking back, I realized we weren’t asking good questions, ones that led to the life we actually wanted. If we had asked the following questions, it would have saved us a ton of frustration. I think they will help you too.
5 questions to ask to be more intentional:
1. Does this align with my values and beliefs. This is where you want to take a step back and write out something like a mission statement. Working through a process like this will really help you clarify what you want your life to look like.
2. Will this yield my desired long-term results? It is so tempting to skip a day of exercise or a day of working on your manuscript. However, be careful not to compromise a long-term goal for short-term pleasure.
3. Will this ultimately strengthen the relationships that matter the most? I believe that live is only as rich as the relationships to those closest to us. How will this affect my spouse and kids?
4. Do I enjoy this? Too often we discount whether or not we actually like something or not. This is why so many people who now want to be more intentional don’t know what their true passions really are.
5. Will this make a positive impact in the world? At the end of the day, this is one of the things that matters the most. With this serve other people? Will this leave a legacy?
I think if we really take some time and ask these tough questions, we’ll all be able to lead more intentional lives, a life that has more purpose, meaning, and passion!
Most people live their lives in an improvisational manner and it’s a complete disaster. – Andy Andrews
Question: Has not asking the tough questions ever kept you from leading a more intentional life?
Far too often we don’t ask the proper questions. We struggle with that horrible job, never take that dream vacation due to the “expense”, and more.
I know I stayed in a job field that didn’t fit me because I didn’t know to ask the questions that would lead me to a more intentional life. I just knew I was supposed to be the good guy and go to work everyday.
Yeah totally, Joe. I’ve stayed in bad situations for too long be I thought I was supposed to be the good guy too. I don’t think we’re helping anyone when we do that.
Absolutely! (In answer to your question) and I really love your list of questions and the order in which you listed them. Awesome! #1 is always the first thing I consider and I agree with all the others as well. We always tend to value the “answers” so much more than the question – but without the right question we will never get to the right answer! I see that so clearly with my clients and with my 86 year old dad. When he makes a statement – I have learned to probe a bit more and ask some questions to get to the actual truth. For example he told me last weekend that he “got lost” driving to the local supermarket that is 5 minutes from his home and which he’s been going to for 40 years. Upon further discussion and a few pointed questions – he didn’t “get lost” which would be very concerning – he lost focus and made a wrong turn. Still a little scary – but not nearly as much as what he shared. Great post Michael
Thanks, Ann. That’s the power of good questions. Thanks for sharing! I like number 1 too. Got to ask that one of myself more!
Sometimes we don’t know the right questions to ask. It’s all a learning process and often it takes an epiphany of sorts for us to recognize what we need to do. For you and Claudia, you now have the tools to move in the direction that better fits what you both want out of life. Great post!
It seems to be a snowball effect. We have more of the right questions now than we did in the past and I feel like more clarity comes as we go.
Michael, I’ll be candid here and say I can ask what I think are the right and tough questions – but not know the answer! Or if I do know the answer, fear can set in and it fades away and I’m back at Square one. Then time goes by and by golly I’m frustrated again at how things are going – so I ask the same questions again! That’s why I’m so struggling with IDEA group in FAA now – I’ve dug more than ever and nothing seems to pop out at me. So, I’ve hired J. Pool to help me next week. Don’t want it to fade again…I think a lot of it was thinking I needed wait until all the planets aligned as such to make the first step – but we know that don’t work, does it?
Michael, I hear you! I can struggle with wanting the stars to align too. And, that first idea can be so daunting!
That’s awesome that you’re going to have some one on one time with Jonathan.
Yes, not asking the tough questions has probably been the reason why I went through the many of the struggles I went through. These are extremely important, I can agree with that now. We need the relationships around us to work, we need to enjoy what we do, we need to feel like we’re making a difference, it’s got to align with who we are, and what we ultimately want. Great, great post!
Thanks, Rob. Asking these questions has gotten me unstuck and out of some bad situations like a poor job environment for example.
oooh yes. It’s strange – I have a great gift for asking OTHERS intentional questions about their lives, but struggle to do this in my own life. Is this normal? Many people seek me out because they know I will ask them questions that will help them gain clarity. I love that you spelled out these questions, because it is going to help me be intentional in my OWN life. 🙂
Alana, I think it’s so much easier to see things in others than it is in ourselves. It’s because we’re not in the middle of it like we are with our own lives. We have perspective.
We just need to be more intentional about asking those same questions in our own lives.
By the way, this is why you’re a great coach. You know how to ask the right questions with others to help them get clarity.