I was reading a blog today about a girl that writes and takes polaroid pictures. The pictures on her site made me feel happy inside. The colors were warm and reminded me of a summer day.
I liked how this girl had ideas and skills and had monetized them.
She had written a book. Actually, two. Her second was just about to come out. She had traveled extensively and had taken beautiful pictures along the way. Suddenly I was overcome with panic! “This girl is living my life, the life I want to be living!”
For a couple hours I wallowed in discouragement. This girl was doing what I want to do, but she was already doing it. Suddenly the thought popped into my mind, “It means there is no room for me to do anything!” “She is so far ahead of me in the process, I can never catch up!”
After all, she had already written two books!
Wow.
Did I hear what I just said?
Please tell me I am not the only one who struggles with comparison. I know I’m not, but to say it out loud is a bit scary, you know?
Comparison. It is so tricky, right? So sneaky. It tries to tarnish the beauty of the life I presently have. I quickly forget about the blessings I have right in front of me when I compare.
It also diminishes the other persons’ story (her story is super inspiring by the way.) Instead of respecting how much that person went through and what they had to overcome, I just assume they magically jumped there. Or just got lucky.
This is untrue. Everyone who has pursued their passion and is successful at it had to work hard to get there.
Just because someone else is successful at living out their dream doesn’t mean I can’t be as well. The opposite is true. It actually means it IS possible for me to do the same!
I got over my comparing stint. I did. I decided to change my focus. Instead of comparing, I decided to be inspired. I will actually gain from her experience and her story. In fact I would like to get to know this girl who is living out a good story and let it propel me forward, into my own life, dreams, ambitions, and goals.
I decided to focus on the blessings right before me. I decided to let myself feel the rush of excitement for the unexplored roads my own story will take me down. I looked over at my beautiful son sleeping beside me and was filled with joy. Joy to be living out my story!
Each of us has a story and the chance to make that story great!
Question: Do you ever find yourself comparing? What do you do about it?
Love your honesty here. Yes, it can be easy to get caught up into comparisons. Isn’t it funny we naturally look UP the ladder of what we see as success and never down? Comparing upwards, not realizing how many are looking up at you as truly living a FULL life!? It’s a tricky thing we do. I find myself doing it in the areas of career and finances too many times. However, in my family life, I am a rich man, no loss of living there. Perhaps our most glorious moment isn’t here yet, or perhaps our glory is in how we live each day, bringing a fullness of life into the lives of our family and friends. So, what do I do about it? Live each day intentionally doing the things I want my life to be about. I realize everyone is in a different place in life. There are Seasons of Life and there a Catalysts as well. Susannah Conway had a tragedy strike her life and it changed her path forever. We don’t have to have a tragedy happen to spur change, but sometimes it happens that way. God gives us varying amounts of “talents” and abilities and different situations. We walk the fine line of being content with what we have and are, yet striving to improve and live life to the fullest.
Michael,
Thanks for your reply… I found it wildly encouraging!
I love what you said here : “Perhaps our most glorious moment isn’t here yet, or perhaps our glory is in how we live each day, bringing a fullness of life into the lives of our family and friends. So, what do I do about it? Live each day intentionally doing the things I want my life to be about.”
I see that you are doing exactly that! Blessings as you continue!
At times, if we are honest with ourselves, we all live in the land of wishing we could be someone else or be doing what they are doing. We see them through the lens of success, but are they really? We are only allowed to see the surface and the surface is filled with everything we desire. We don’t know what they are experiencing, have gone through or if they are struggling. We don’t know if they are giving up what is truly important in life for the sake of this dream.
I am learning (always learning) to not covet what others have, but to walk in the life and path that has been made specifically for me. It’s where the best of my God-given gifts and talents can have the greatest impact on the life of another person. In every season of my life I have learned valuable lessons that have been a building block to be used in the next chapter and next season.
Cindy,
You are right. Thanks for these well spoken words.
Did you have a specific instance in life that brought you to this spot of contentment?
Claudia,
I believe when we don’t know who we are we often spend a lot of time trying to become someone else. That isn’t a hard and fast rule, but it most certainly contributes to our discontent. Most of the time we don’t even recognize we are doing until something shakes our world and the wall begins to crumble. As I began to walk in my own very cool shoes instead of those of someone else the comparison game didn’t seem to manifest as often. No one can be me, but me, and do it well. There is always room for growth and to do things better which we generally learn from others, but it should never mold us to a place of losing who we are.
Thanks for being so authentic here. Very nice post, Claudia.
In the “speaking business,” comparison can be as natural as breathing, yet the results of comparing yourself to other speakers are suffocating. I’ve learned this lesson over and over…often the hard way. But I’ve finally gotten to the point where I know who I am when I’m onstage, and I’m secure in who I am onstage. In other words, I don’t try to be like other speakers…I’m just me.
To be honest, I’m not sure how I got to this place. No real points or tips to share. I just came to accept who I am as a speaker. Even more, I came to like who I am as a speaker. I think the second of the two was a major turning point in my career as a speaker and has led to me getting a lot more bookings.
AGain, thanks for starting this conversation Claudia…it’s a good one.
Kent,
Hey thanks!
I can’t imagine the pressure of being a speaker.
What power there is in realizing your true self is the best you can offer… not an imitation of someone else!
I love how you learned from your past and used it to propel you forward into a wonderfully authentic and encouraging story!
Excited to be on this journey with you!
What a great, honest, transparent post, Claudia. Yes, of course, anyone that says they have never envied what someone else has, or has accomplished is not being very honest! Actually, I have been dealing with some dental issues lately and in compiling some scriptures about healthy bones – I came across Is. 58:11 and God really impressed upon me that I needed to repent of any envy otherwise there is rottenness in my bones! (Physically and spiritually). I have compared myself to others and usually I come out on the short end and we all know that results in envy – whether we realize that’s what it is or not! Sometimes a false sense of humility is really envy in disguise. Great post.
Ann,
What great insight! I can relate to you with the dental issues, so I will be looking deeper into my own heart in this area… thank you for pointing it out!
Claudia,
This happens all the time for me, especially being involved in 48Days with so many successful people and published authors. However, I have to remember that some of these people have been working at this for much longer than me, so they have more “fruit”. Even if they haven’t been at it long and already have published books, I’m doing the best I can do and that’s all that God expects, so why should I expect more?
Have a Victorious Day!
Marianne Clements
Marianne,
Yes, there are a whole host of people to compare to on 48 days 🙂
There is always someone, somewhere to compare to if I choose to!
Keep at it, you are doing a great job!
I must admit that I have had this same type of envy at times. However, I’ve shifted approaches in recent months. If I really appreciate what someone else is doing at the blog, I make sure to spread the word via Tweets and Facebook shares. I’m more intentional about helping others than promoting myself. Honestly, I’ve seen more growth during that time then when I wasn’t doing it as often. Ultimately, there’s room enough for all of us because you’ll reach someone I won’t and vice versa.
Chris,
What a great change in perspective! What brought on the shift?
I also like your last sentence. Dan Miller talks a lot about that. There are plenty of fish in the sea 🙂
It’s hard to pinpoint the shift to one point in time. After much soul searching, I realized I was more focused on self than helping those around me. I wasn’t playing to my natural strength – serving others. What better way to serve in our online world than to promote those who offering unique insights and changing to world.
This was wonderful insight on your part Chris! Not many people get to that point!
Claudia, thanks for your transparency… And I completely agree, this is a struggle that I think diminishes over time because our perspectives start to changes. It changes through our internal development, and to get there I think we have to intentionally keep reminding ourselves that we are living our own story, and the people who are winning are there for us to witness as a teachable moment.
There are many amazing things that I want to accomplish, and sometimes when I see someone doing that very thing I begin to have the clash between envy and empowerment. It’s like two voices sitting on both shoulders telling me the pros and cons of what I just witnessed.
If it were not for me intentionally surrounding myself around great people like you, and reading great books, and listening to great inspiration my mind may be filled with other things that would weaken my efforts to hold back away from comparison but onto empowerment that I can do that as well.
Because that person is doing what I’m doing, maybe I can now talk to them and learn all about their adventures…
Rob,
It does change with our internal development. It really does. I guess we gain perspective.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts here!
I like how you talked about the two voices, one of envy and one of empowerment. It is so tricky how the envy voice follows so closely to the empowerment one. So closely that they seem to blend into one voice!
I also like the perspective that you choose to take on learning from others adventures rather than envying them. That there is totally key.
Your honesty is refreshing Claudia! Thanks for sharing so openly.
I find myself comparing myself to others. I see bloggers out there who have built a tremendous following, making a living doing what they love, and creating great content. I see that and then feel less than I really am.
When this happens, I have to go back and tell myself that I’ve just started. I haven’t been pursuing this for years like many others. It will happen. There is growth. It will just take time. Just like it took them time.
Putting it into focus helps me…
Joe,
Thanks a lot.
I like how you choose to stand back and see the big picture. Perspective.
Your longing is driving you to greater heights! It is always great to be around people like you! Blessings as you continue on your journey of greatness!
Claudia,
I just have to share this with you. Today’s devotional from Bible Gateway is about the Slippery Slope of Comparison. The link is too long to include here, so I will e-mail it to you.
Have a Victorious Day!
Marianne
That is awesome Marianne,
I’m excited to get it! Thank you!
At times I struggle at comparing my blog to others. I make it a point to never get hung up on someone else’s success or achievements, because I know if I do I will not be moving forward in what I should be focusing on. It only holds a person back.
Great reminder today.
“It only holds a person back” Well said Dan!
Blessings as you do move forward!