“My brother died a week ago,” I heard the man say. He was tall, square shouldered, and had glistening eyes.
“I was given the gift of 50 years with him. God doesn’t owe me a thing!” His comment was cutting, not with its sharpness, but with its conviction.
He went on to tell the story of his brothers’ long battle with cancer. With young kids and a wife at home, they were all hoping and praying he would recover.
But he didn’t. He died.
“At the end he looked like a person that had just stepped out of the Holocaust,” the man said. “But I got to hold him in my arms at the end; it was so special.”
I was stunned. When most people would focus on the deep, dark waters of loss, this man spoke of the joy within his loss.
“Sure, I will miss my brother like crazy, but I am not angry.” he stated. “I had 50 wonderful years with him; that was a gift.”
His words ricocheted in my head, “God doesn’t owe me a thing.” Joy amidst suffering is a rare sight and with neck strained I eagerly took in the full sight of this joy man.
Is this the way we view our troubles?
For most of us the answer is a resounding, “No!” We feel indebted, owed in some way. Not worthy of hurting. We feel undeserving of hardship and heartache. We despise it, and when it comes our way, we do our very best to tell everyone around us that it is hard, and it hurts, and we don’t understand why it is happening.
This man, however, took a different approach. An approach that has preoccupied my mind and heart as of late. It would have been normal and even expected for him to spout about the pain and question why this event happened. But he didn’t.
He spoke instead of joy.
Not just ordinary joy either. He spoke of joy in the midst of his suffering.
This man had weighed his options and had made his choice.
He chose joy.
I see very clearly now that there are two ways to view the hard things that happen in our lives. Either we can look upon them with an attitude of entitlement, raging against God and the injustice of it all, declaring that what happened wasn’t fair and shouldn’t have happened. Or, we can shift our focus to gratitude and choose to look for the blessings amidst the hurt. To look at what we were given instead of what we lost.
The former brings toxic anger and exasperation, the latter brings peace and joy. Peace and joy create a better life, period.
The fact is, things happen in our lives and not everything that happens makes sense or feels good. Some things we may never understand. But one thing is clear. The people that approach life with open arms and open heart, choosing to see the blessings even amidst the hurt, are the people who find joy.
And joy makes life enjoyable.
Photo Credit: nicola.albertini via Compfight cc
So true Claudia. Attitude is everything.
You know it Donna! Joy to you friend!
Amen, Claudia. It’s a constant battle to try and live life with a spirit of gratitude and hope. It’s so worth it though. Each day we practice living like this, the more natural and authentic it feels. Then when those really difficult moments come, as they inevitably do, we’re practiced and ready to not only weather the storm, but to do so with a more positive attitude.
Funny that you talk about the un-authentic feeling Jody. I do remember when I first started trying to view things from this perspective I DID feel so very un-authentic! The negative side felt so much more real and gratitude seemed the least likely thing to do… plus I felt like I was ignoring the facts by looking for things to be grateful for amidst pain. I have since realized that it takes the act of gratitude to even see the blessings in the pain but it is a much more enjoyable way to live. —- always looking for the beauty amidst the chaos. All is grace.
You are right the more you practice, the more you change and it becomes a part of who you are!!
Love what you guys are doing with your challenges btw! The plank challenge is a great idea – it looks like you are getting lots of traction. Hope all is well!
Wow, Claudia. Good post. I am going to share this!
Well thank you… and thank you Jennifer! Joy to you today!
Beautiful, as always, Claudia. I have know a few people like this and it is very humbling. It’s so true: God doesn’t owe us anything! He’s done SO much for me that if He never answered another prayer – I could not complain! And the truth is by tapping into joy, especially in the midst of pain and suffering, we tap into His strength.
Thank you Ann! He doesn’t owe us anything and it has been so freeing for me to finally realize this! Your comment reminded me, have you read “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp?? You would love it!
I haven’t Claudia but that will be added to my list!
I am changed because of that book. It blew me away Ann! You will not be disappointed. Let me know if/when you finish I would love to hear your thoughts 😉
I definitely will Claudia!
Hi Claudia. This is the my favorite piece you have written. Powerful. Beautiful. And a message I needed to hear. Thank you.
Jody,
It blesses me to know you were helped by it. Thanks for your comment! And blessings as you move into joy!
Such a good post. I have been thinking about it all day! Thanks for sharing, friend.
Quite welcome Char! This story helped us view your mom’s life through different eyes. Love and joy to you!
Claudia,
What a great post. Thank you.
You are quite welcome Anne!
Peeked over at your landing page. Love how you are taking the hardships and turning them to joy. I have no doubt your story is changing the lives of many, many people. What a fulfilling way to approach life!
Joy to you!
Claudia,
Pray for me as I finish up and eventually launch my present book.
Thanks,
I will Anne!!
This is a good reminder to ask yourself how you would react in the same situation. I’d like to say I’d give the same answer, but I’m not so sure when push came to shove if I’d be able to.
We all have room to grow in this area Tom. I do however find the more I practice taking this approach in my mind and heart the more it comes out on my tongue 😉 Blessings!
Claudia, this was not only a very good article about what would “normally” be a trying time for any of us, but a theologically sound way of expressing God’s love for us. That it is HIS purpose, and not our own, that season of change so eloquently put in Ecclesiastes. Instead of dwelling on the negativity of loss, we rejoice in the joy of what He provided for us in Love.
I have subscribed to your postings now and will share them
Welcome David and thanks for your comment!
That shift focusing on “the joy of what He provided” as you so wonderfully stated, has been at the forefront of my mind for quite some time now. I seem laser beam attracted to anyone practicing it and this man was a true gem, his joy was radiating through his sorrow. So refreshing!
I now see that there is no better way to approach life (if we want to enjoy our lives that is!)
Joy to you!
May God greatly move you and bless you in your ministry; you have a gift.
Your words have blessed me David. Thank you!
Claudia….this article was was so confirming. After losing my own brother two years ago, the joy of having him in my life for 52 years is immeasurable!! While his death was violent, as the world sees violence, I saw God’s precious Hand…my brother went Home doing something he totally loved…God was right there with him…and I was given the joy of knowing I would see him again. Having read Ann Voscamp’s book several years ago (and given many as gifts), each day bring thankfulness in so many ways. Randy Alcorn’s book HEAVEN is also a must read! Blessings to you this day for making me smile and being thankful for technology and bloggers!!!
I love Ann’s book as well Connie! It seems like her perspective on thankfulness helped you in the very depths of your despair and allowed you joy within your sorrow. Thank you, thank you for sharing this!
I’ll have to add Randy Alcorn’s book to my list as well, I haven’t read that one.
Overflowing joy to you this day!
As one who may not be too far away from being “the brother” in this article, the article was a great blessing to me. As Tom said he does, I always.wondered how I would react when this time came to me. As Jody and Claudia said, the key is to begin now practicing through study of God’s Word and especially His promises for us so that when difficulties arise you will have deeply ingrained in your heart the eternal truth that God does work ALL things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. It is still not easy at times, but the thicker the foundation of your preparation, the stronger the building will be when it is time to build. Another book I would recommend for anyone seeking comfort as they or people they love face life’s toughest trials is Jerry Bridges’ book, “Trusting God Even When Life Hurts.” Whatever comes our way we should face it with the heart of Eli in 1 Samuel 3:18: “It is the Lord. Let Him do what seems good to Him.” And trust His sovereignty. Blessings to all.
Dave,
Thank you for your candidness. Michael and I will hold you in our prayers as you face each new day with courage and confidence that “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion…”
May you be surrounded by people who help carry your burden, and encourage you – proclaiming that you are valuable and your life has been valuable!
I love your prompting to start to focusing on God’s promises for us. To build up a healthy foundation to stand strong in times of trial. Such great advice.
Thanks also for your book recommendation. I am always looking for more to add to my list. It seems this one has truly blessed so, so I am excited to read it as well.
Overflowing joy to you today!