In the past, I was a different person depending on what group of people I was with. If I was with friends, I was one way. If I was at work, I was another. If I was with family, I was yet another.
It’s not that I was trying to be dishonest or trick people, but instead, this response was rooted in insecurity and wanting to make others happy.
Wanting to make others happy can be a really good thing, however for me, it came at quite a cost. For me, it meant getting my identity muddled and, eventually, lost.
I now make certain that integrity is a part of daily life. Now, no matter where you might run into me, you’re going to get Michael. It doesn’t matter if it’s with friends, at work, or with family.
in·teg·ri·ty: The quality or state of being complete or undivided.
I especially the like root word for integrity. It’s integer. I think it evokes a good image.
in·te·ger: A whole number; a number that is not a fraction.
We could change the wording around to say, a person that is whole, not broken apart into different people.
Question: How is living a life of integrity going for you?
I absolutely love that Michael! I can relate to what you shared – maybe all or most of us do this – compartmentalize our lives at some point. As I’ve gotten older, it became more and more difficult to be someone I’m not just to please others. (Maybe that’s a perk of getting older??) Anyway – I am me and that’s the only person I can successfully be. I love that you used the integer comparison – I really like that a lot and never realized that was the root of the word.
Ann, thanks! I think it’s great that you’ve made this a made this a big part of your life. I think as we get older it’s easier for us to be ourselves because we have greater perspective.
Now, this is a learning process for me, but I feel like I have a better perspective now than I did 10 years ago. I now have some references/experiences for how feel or respond in a situation.
I think it is a perk, by the way. Way to go!
Way to go Mike! I believe our upbringing plays a big part of that. We somehow knew what was expected of us, without it ever being our own conviction or even understanding of why we did what we did. Therefor trying to do what we knew other people expected us to do. My hearts cry and prayer is to be set free and to be so filled with the spirit God that it flows in me and through me and out of me.
Nancy,
What great input. In a lot of ways, that’s validation or confirmation for me. This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot in regard to my upbringing. It’s great to hear that I’m not the only one who feels this way (and so, neither are you). 🙂
I’m very thankful for my stable upbringing and to have Godly parents that love me want the best for me. I’m also very thankful for a solid family foundation. One of the challenges, however, with being brought up in a conservative denomination, has been thinking that my faith is works-based. It was always important to be doing what was right according to those around us.
Awesome Michael! Integrity is the only way to live… I guess you could say, that some time ago when I was living by reacting to circumstances and other opinions, I was not at the level of integrity I should have have been. I was not a liar, but more of a liar to myself. I could not fully represent “me”, the way I needed to being in that mindset. I shifted to taking ownership of my life, and everything changed… Integrity is what I try my best to intentionally live and breathe daily; since especially that I want to be remembered as someone of integrity, or someone who was living by the integer; who was whole and real… Thanks for this great post!
Thanks Rob, love the input.
I’m curious, what made you turn things around?
Oh my goodness! Michael, there were some huge cornerstones in my life, but there was no one big one where I can say, yep, that was it. I can go into each one, and talk about that specific event and its affect on my life, but every cornerstone had it’s own purpose and level of change and maturity in my life…. From Dan Miller, to my Dad, my Marriage, the Marine Corps, having Kids…. I believe my transition to life ownership has been based on a series of events… I did not become a better person in one night that’s for sure. All I can hope, is that I’m a better than I was yesterday.
For all I know, I’m still not fully mature yet… 😉
Makes me think of the famous Lao-tzu quote, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” One thing led to another, that’s great Rob. I’m glad we’re connecting more of late!
That is an excellent quote; and glad we’re connecting more and more as well!
Michael, thanks for being so REAL here. Yes, I do this myself. It’s a fear mechanism for sure, to protect our egos somehow. I want to be real, genuine and open with myself and others, in all situations. Lately I have been listening to Steve Chandler’s material and the thing that helps me the most, if that when I’m thinking about serving others, helping them, loving them – I don’t have time or space to get caught up in how I’m going to “act”. The two greatest Commandments are Love God and Love Others…the Bible really does have the answers!
Michael, so true. I’m amazed how many life principles are in the Bible. Well, guess that shouldn’t come as a surprise, but that’s not what I grew up thinking.
I’m not too familiar with Steve Chandler. How did you hear about him?
Heard about Steve Chandler from my friend and co-FAA’er Aaron Nichols. Aaron is in Steve’s coaching school at the moment. I purchased Steve’s “success mastery course” and found it very applicable. It’s very different from your typical “success” literature out there.
Nice! I saw some of his products on his site. That’s cool that you’re enjoying them.
Michael, maturity usually brings integrity. If we would all have been able to not have played all sides in the past. Thanks for making this clear. Definitions are so powerful and undeniable. Blessings, @ missioncoach
Rob, so true. Maturity brings integrity. Haven’t thought about it in that way. Thanks!
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