Wholehearted Human

For four years, going on five, Michael and I have worked towards one goal. To buy the small guitar store where Michael has worked. To grow it, improve it, and enjoy the comfort of owning our own business.

photo by jainaj

“Not all that is gold glitters and not everyone who wanders is lost.” –Bilbo Baggins – ‘Lord of the Rings’

That road has ended, and now we are headed down a new path. So, how do we view those years we spent intensely driven towards this one dream that “didn’t work out?” We view it as gold. Gold because those years led us to this year.

This year of wandering, exploring, re-evaluating, and birthing has given us new eyes. Suddenly, we are looking at the same horizon but it looks vastly different. We didn’t know that what was happening in those years was preparing us. We were frustrated, even angry that what we were working so hard towards a goal that was never coming to fruition!

C.S. Lewis said “The best is perhaps what we understand the least,” and this has rung so true in our lives! We thought we were working towards one goal, but we were actually learning valuable lessons in preparing us for the next phase of life.

Without the wandering, frustrating, bang our heads against the wall years, we wouldn’t have been propelled to ask questions, search out who we are and why we are here. We wouldn’t have been grappling with life and all its beautiful complexity.

“Not all that is gold glitters and not everyone who wanders is lost.”

So, are we wandering now? Yes, I would say we are wandering, wading, crawling, through a new land. Our eyes wide with expectation, our hearts quickened by the smell of adventure before us. We are wandering, yes, but not lost. And through the so called drudgery of the unknown, the battles that come are not indeed battles, but gold.

Michael gave his resignation at his job on Saturday. And today, he is my hero.

“It is in man as it is in soil…where sometimes there is a vein of gold that he does not know about.” –Jonathan Swift

Video Notes:

• I’m quitting my job at the end of the year and starting my own business
• We have a plan and we’re super excited!
• Of course it’s scary too

Rise /rīz/ verb or noun: 

To go higher; to ascend; to extend upward; to get up after kneeling or lying down; to come over the horizon; to swell up; to become greater or go up; to go up in the world; to emerge over the horizon; to come to life; to leave a bed or a place of reclining or sleeping; to adjourn an official meeting; to rebel; to affect a sense

I love the definition of this word! That’s why we chose it.

Let’s RISE, people!

You speak to me. But those words you say, are they meant for my good or are they spoken out of your fear, some baggage from your past?

Do you really think that because something happened to you, it will also happen to me?

Why don’t you let me be me, and I’ll let you be you?

If I want your advice, I’ll ask for it.

It’s amazing how little we listen when we are in communication with people. Did you ever stop and evaluate yourself as to whether you are really listening to what someone is saying and why they are saying it? Or, are you thinking about what you are going to say next?

What happens when we truly listen to people? Listen to the heart of them, ask good questions and don’t jump in with our opinions? Don’t interrupt, don’t interject, don’t ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ them, don’t relay a story from our experience, or put words in their mouth… just listen.

Think of your own experiences in this area. Who do you love to talk to? Who do you feel the most heard by? I bet it is a person who encourages, asks questions, supports you, doesn’t judge you and TRULY listens.

So, how do we truly listen? And of equal importance, how can we feel heard? Because when push comes to shove we really all just want to be heard right? WE JUST WANT TO BE HEARD!

So, if we want to feel heard and the person we are talking to wants to feel heard… how do we go about accomplishing this? I have found the trick is to LISTEN, and then you in turn will be heard. By giving someone else what they want, I get what I want. And actually, aren’t we all out to please ourselves? It sounds trite but hear me out.

We love someone because they make US feel good. We talk to someone because WE want to feel supported, told we are doing a good job, or need help in working through a crisis. We help people because WE enjoy how we feel when we help them, right? It makes us feel good. We all seek our own happiness, even when we think we aren’t. Oddly enough we were created this way. C.S Lewis talks about it, Solomon talks about it.

So how does this relate to listening?

Well, do you want someone to listen to you? Try listening for a while. Try not injecting your opinion, try asking helpful questions like, How did that make you feel,” or “What do you think you are going to do now?” Try making them feel loved and safe instead of scolding or saying things like, “I told you so!” It’s actually harder than you might think, but truly rewarding!

Amazingly, when we do this we feel heard too! Because when they feel heard, they are also ready to hear. They are heard, we feel loved and appreciated. We all benefit in the end.

I’m working on being a better listener…will you join me?

When Claudia and I were doing our monthly budget recently, the topic of tithing came up. Do we tithe even when money is short in a particular month?

We’re commanded in the Bible to tithe, not because God needs our money but because it’s not ours in the first place. We’re only stewards of what we’ve been given here on earth. It also talks about those who give, will be blessed in abundance.

Claudia and I decided that we would tithe even though we were going to have to pull from our savings to do so. We didn’t want to fall into the trap of expecting things not to work out, but to have faith and think big. This doesn’t mean that we go so far as to be naïve but we are believing and expecting the best. We are moving forward, thinking outside the box. We’re moving so that God can steer us. When an object is in motion it is easier to steer than when it’s just sitting still.

The day after we did our budget, I got two unexpected jobs at work. We also found out that fixing our computer was only going to cost a fraction of what we were first told.

So, are these only coincidences that could have happened on any other day? Should I write them off as only fruits of my labor and due diligence?

I choose to believe that they’re not coincidences. I choose to believe that because we have shown a small step of faith, we have been blessed for it. I choose to believe that because we believed and expected the best, our minds were open to new ideas and we were more creative in looking for ways to make it work.

What about you? Did you ever find yourself in a similar situation? What are your thoughts on generosity even in those tough times?

Four things a man must learn to do if he must make his life more true:

To think without confusion clearly

To love his fellow man sincerely

To act from honest motives purely

To trust in God in heaven securely

Rev. Henry Van Dyke