The Truth About My Marriage

Have you ever had a paradigm shift?

Say, you are annoyed at your dog one evening. You came home to a chewed up pile of books and pee on your favorite leather chair. Morning walks have become a dreaded chore as you are pulled hither and yon through your neighborhood. And to top it all off, he eats way too much.

“This whole dog owner thing is way overrated,” you mumble to yourself as you grab your phone, a slobbery tennis ball, and march out the door to grumpily engage in a game of fetch.

You start unenthusiastically throwing your way-too-excited dog the soggy tennis ball and giving him the death stare each time it is returned. Suddenly distracted by your phone, you throw the ball a bit farther than anticipated and it bounces innocently into the middle of the busy street in front of your house, taunting your dog with its erratic bouncing movements.

Your dog can’t resist. Like a bolt of lightning he is gone, headed straight towards the ball which is merrily spinning in the middle of the street. It seems to be singing your dog to it because he pays no mind to your frantic shouting. Quickly you glance the other direction and, to your horror, you see a big, black truck squealing around the corner headed straight for your dog. “No!” escapes from your lips, a screamed whisper (if there is such a thing).

You cover your eyes and turn your head attempting to block out the massacre about to happen.

You hear a loooong screech, a tremendous beep, and a yelp. “That’s it, that’s the end,” you sigh and you slowly drop your hands to look at the scene before you.

The black truck is almost out of sight as your eyes focus on the scene before you. You feel movement against your pants and a wet heavy sensation as a saliva saturated ball lands squarely on the toe of your tennis shoe. Looking down and staring up at you with smiling eyes is your dog, miraculously unharmed and completely unaware of the narrow escape he just had.

This is the moment of your paradigm shift.

The shredded books and pee on your leather chair are completely forgotten as you quickly gather your dog in your arms. All sorts of silly things come flowing out of your mouth and the music seems to swell in the background as you promise steak dinners together, long runs up beautiful wildflower covered mountains, drives across the desert to visit his long-lost brother, and a new toothbrush with bacon flavored toothpaste. Completely unashamed, you cover him with kisses and tightly hug his wiggling body.

Never again will you dread your morning walks together. You are thankful simply for more time.

The paradigm shift in my marriage

This is what happened to me and my marriage. Well, not the dog part or the slimy tennis ball, or the near death experience, no, but the paradigm shift, yes!

I have been speaking lies about my marriage to myself in my head. I didn’t think of them as lies, simply as negatives. I thought they were innocent enough and it felt good to dwell there oddly enough. It made me feel better about myself if I blamed someone else.

But, recently I saw with wide open eyes the destruction my lazy mind has paved.

I was awaked, ready for change. What I proceeded to do shifted my paradigm.

I decided to write down all the things I have been telling myself about my marriage in my head, and to be downright honest about it. I nervously wrote them all down, looking around, making sure that no one was peeking over my shoulder.

I looked at my list, horrified. The stuff that I was putting into my own head was more than eye-opening.

I tore up that paper into very small bits and threw it away.

I then took a full blank legal pad and wrote in big letters at the top of the page – “THE TRUTH ABOUT MY MARRIAGE.” I proceeded to fill that page with all the beautiful things I know and see about my marriage and the vision I have for it. It was beautifully eye-opening!

This simple act changed my paradigm. I felt it immediately. I have seen the effects immediately.

I don’t ever want to look back and regret not having a strong, vibrant marriage because I was too afraid to face myself. Too fearful to admit my faults and change them. Too lazy to change the way I think and talk and act.

I posted “THE TRUTH ABOUT MY MARRIAGE” on our refrigerator and see it every day. Our story weaves more beautiful because of it.

Question: Have you ever had a paradigm shift? Do tell!