I have been thinking a lot lately about responsibility. Taking 100% responsibility. In other words, not playing the blame game with anyone or any situation.
I can honestly say that it is consistently the hardest thing I have ever done. Let’s just say being corrected or criticized is my worst nightmare. I take it hard. I fight really hard to find blame in someone else. This has been a consistent habit of mine for quite some time now. In all honesty, it really hasn’t worked out so well for me.
I’ve come to my 32nd year in life and I am ready to try something new. I think. But, it is downright hard to look yourself in the eyes and say, “Self, I’ve been doing this wrong for a while now, I need to change.” It can actually be pretty scary.
So, here I am in the midst of changing everything else in my life but I keep hanging on to this blame thing. What gives? Why is it so fulfilling to point the finger and say, “It wasn’t my fault, it’s your fault.” Ahhh, that feels so fulfilling, and is so twisted at the same time.
It takes all responsibility off of me and puts it on someone else. And I like doing that. It means I don’t have to face the prospect that I’m not being perfect. What!? That would be awful if I found that out I made a mistake and had to admit it! It is uncomfortable. And we all flee very quickly from anything uncomfortable.
Ever hear someone say, “I’m messed up because…” You could fill in the blank with a myriad of reasons. Family, circumstances, money… Yup, whatever you want to blame, you can. But oddly enough, the hurt is still there and it doesn’t go away by blaming. It stays there and festers. Trust me, I’ve tried it.
So, I am venturing out into the world of taking full responsibility. The world of saying, “I am sorry.” Period. Not “I’m sorry but…” I’m looking back to my past and taking responsibility for the areas I could have changed but didn’t. Instead of blaming circumstances or people, I am taking the blame on my shoulders and am then able to say, “I made a mistake. I guess I won’t do that again,” and I move on.
It is so freeing to live this way. If I blame, then I carry that bitterness and hurt with me to my grave. I don’t want to die bitter and angry. Instead of saying, “You need to change so I can change.” I’m saying, “I am going to change, so you can change.” I can’t change others, but I can take full responsibility and change myself.
Our future is not based on what happens to us. What happens to us, happens to us all. The crucial thing is what you do about.
Question: Do you take 100% responsibility? If not, how do you think it would change your life?
Claudia, thanks for this post. Taking full responsibility is a hard thing for many of us. When a business I started in the past split with my partner, it was so easy to blame him for all the things that happened even though some were my fault in retrospect. I still struggle to take that responsibility but the more I review it and take that on the more relief I feel. I know that sounds counter intuitive, but in my case that is how it happened. Thanks for making me think and bring me back to center. Blessings, @missioncoach
Rob,
That sounds so painful… especially if it is someone that you are in such close contact with all the time!
So interesting isn’t it that the more we take on and take responsibility the more “relief I feel” as you said?! It is a wonderful revelation!
Blessings as you continue this journey. Would love to hear more about it as you walk forward!
Claudia, good for you!!
Facing the person in the mirror who can take the responsibility is hard sometimes!!!
After 17 of not being responsible with our personal finances, we needed to take a long hard look at ourselves and say hey, it doesn’t matter what the world is around us, we can change our world by taking charge.
Good for you!!!
Many blessings and Live Beyond Awesome!
Jen
Jen,
You are so right 🙂 It is hard. But the rewards of facing this have been so incredible… I never want to go back!
Awesome testimony!
Did you follow Dave Ramsey or make up your own plan to get out of debt?
You are on the road to success, if you keep to this rule! We all have this way of wanting to protect ourselves, our egos. This 100% rule puts it all on us, and we can deal with that. We gotta realize that “ain’t nobody perfect” – not even ourselves. Whenever i’m upset, peaved, angry, etc….I know that it is something going on inside of ME, not the outside world. As a Christian, I have to look to Jesus as the example to follow and He didn’t blame anyone for being on the cross – he made a decision to do that for us. Great post!
Michael,
Well, I just tried this “rule” on for size recently and have had wonderful success. I think I’ll keep it 🙂
Thanks for your encouragement!
I think of your E+R=O all the time Kent! 🙂
Marianne,
I like what you said here!
It is truly harder to say I’m sorry. When I do things go so much smoother!
It is soooooo difficult Ann! I am learning to break that old cycle though and the payoff is hugely rewarding! Such immediate results that I don’t ever want to go back!